i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
