i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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