I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
