I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
