Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
