After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
