just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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