I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
