Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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