That's intense
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
