I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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