My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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