Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
