Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
