My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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