I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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