Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
