she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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