He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
