That's intense
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
