R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
