You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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