I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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