No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
