I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
