Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize