First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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