hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize