the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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