i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
