My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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