seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
