I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
