i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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