She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
