Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
