This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
