um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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