D3 body, D1 cock
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
