just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
