Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
