you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
