I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Alive.
So much puke
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
