sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The adults are the big ones right?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
