Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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