Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
