Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
