Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize