and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize