all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
