It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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