Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
