it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize