Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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