He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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