Kiss
Puke
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
