Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I want is dick and wine.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
