I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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