who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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