How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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