Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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