Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
