My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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