The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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