I just pynch a tree in the face
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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