if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
