I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
