think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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