she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
