dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
