And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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