I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The power of my boobs compel you
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
