allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
