you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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