Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
