i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He kissed a someone with a penis
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
