Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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