u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
