i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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