I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
