There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
