new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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