I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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