So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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