So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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