i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
